Facing the inevitable

Friday afternoon my mom called me at work and said to come home. The palliative care doctor was there and said it would be a matter of hours. I hung up and noticed that I had 10 minutes to make the next train which was several blocks away. My only other option would have been to wait for the next train in an hour and a half or take a cab. I decided that the $35 cab ride home to see my about-to-die father counts as an emergency.

Roughly 15 minutes after I got home, my father died. Clearly, I was glad I didn't wait for the next train.

Seems the end of my father's life signaled the beginning of unheard of family fuckery.

  • While meeting with the people I'm buying the casket from, why was my uncle trying to talk with them about being a rep for them in his city? I mean, really. Really? Seriously? Like, right when I'm trying to pick out the casket for my dad, his brother, he's trying to make business deals? After that, I let my mom know that he was THISCLOSE to getting thrown in the grave with my dad. It was truly a "Jesus take the wheel" moment.

  • I was sitting in my room looking for pictures of my father for the programs on my computer when my aunt walks in. She gives me some torn-out pages from a catalogue and says that she wants me to buy these items for her and she'll give me the money. Ok, that's awkward. I ended up bringing it up to my mom. Let's just say she handled the situation right then and there.

  • Mom called one of my half-sisters to let her know dad had passed. We couldn't get a hold of her and wondered why we hadn't heard from her. When dad was first diagnosed, she called a couple times a day, then nothing. Well she called back. We hadn't heard from her because she was in jail for the past 35 days due to traffic violations (massive side-eye from me on that). The day dad died, she had gotten out of jail, lost her apartment, and found out one of her dogs was euthanized. She called us from her girlfriends home, but had to leave that day. Then the follow exchange occurred:

    Sis: "I'd love to be there for dad's funeral, but I have nothing. I have no money. No where to live. I don't know what to do."

    Me: "Gosh, that's just absolutely terrible. I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for you and all you have to deal with right now."

    Sis: "Yeah. I don't know what to do. I have no money, but I really want to go to the funeral, but I can't."

    Me: "Well, don't worry about it. Take the time you have right now to focus on you. You still have your job so you can make it out of this. Do you, and everything else will work out. I have to go because the funeral people are here. Good luck."

    Damn straight I didn't offer her money. Do I really have to explain to you why?
But it didn't stop there, seems like we signed up for the Friends and Family Fuckery package. A long-time friend stopped by the house to give her condolences. The following exchange occurred:

Me: "Can I get you something to drink?"

Friend: "I'd love some tea."

Me: "Sure, I've got some regular or green tea here..."

Friend: "You don't have any ginger or mint tea? You know how we islanders are, we have to have these kinds of teas, so that's what I want."

Me: :::Spinning on my heels, hand on my hip, in a calm, low voice::: "You know, for someone that just walked into my house to comfort me and offer me support because my father died not even a day ago, you have a lot of damn nerve to be so fucking demanding."

Friend: "I'll have any tea you have to offer."

Me: "Great. I love when you visit!"

She probably sensed that she was two steps away from ending up tipped into the grave her damn self.

I'm sure this isn't the end of the nonsense, as the funeral isn't until Saturday, my uncle doesn't leave until mid next week, and we have even more relatives coming to stay with us for the funeral. I don't believe in a god of any sort, however I my pray to one to help keep me from losing it this week. And by "it" I mean my freedom because I'm in jail for familial homicide.

But anyway...

  • Mom and I spent the weekend taking care of funeral details. She asked me to use the $2,000 I saved for her to buy my father's casket. I found a place online that would send a rep to the house to look through a catalog. I chose something that looked nice, but not flashy. The grand total, including delivery, came to $950. The casket should arrive at the funeral home today or tomorrow, which is fine, as the funeral isn't until Saturday. Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

  • A Saturday funeral. You have to pay extra for that to the tune of $1,000+. While I cringed at first, I understand that she wanted to have the service on a day that would accommodate the most schedules. It's her money, I just left it alone.

  • BF is coming to town on Thursday night and staying until next week Wednesday. We decided that for a multitude of reasons (my house with have 6 people and 1 shower, he's bringing his dog to avoid the expense of boarding, and it's just too many damn relatives to push on him at once especially under the circumstances). The hotel is about 30 to 45 minutes away from my house, but will take dogs and would cost around $350 total. I said that I would split the costs with him, but he's not having it. I'll just use the money for meals for us, etc. There will be a lot of food at the house, but I know I'm going to want to get away from that for a while. And I've been craving Indian and Ethiopian food...

  • One of my aunt's pitched a little fit because I'm not wearing a dress to the funeral. Again, mom "handled" that situation. Look, I love my dad. However I don't see anything wrong with wearing grey slacks and a black top. Also, did I mention it's going to be 15 degrees outside with snow on Saturday? Yeah. While my aunt is out there getting frostbite, I'm gonna be in my pants , ginormous Eddie Bauer parka, and snow boats. Dad didn't raise an idiot.