Thinking about 2010 and beyond

Some random thoughts:

• A small voice inside is telling me that I'm going to need to make more money in the future. The salary of an administrative assistant is not going to work for me long term, no matter how much I save. Sadly, the voice of self-doubt and fear of failure is more persuasive.

• I've drafted a list of 2010 goals. It's a very long list, but more comprehensive and thoughtful than previous years. Hopefully it will keep me from getting caught off-guard too much by things I knew I'd need money for, but never thought enough about to save.

• 2010 may be the last year I'm able to save in a big way. Mom is talking about selling the house in 2011 to live somewhere with less upkeep and give her more to live on (provided the house sells at a profit at that point). This is great for her and I'm glad she's thinking about this. For me, it means that I might have to readjust my savings goals knowing that 2010, and possibly 2011, will be my last year of being able to save a large amount of money (think upwards of $20k). This brings me back to my first bullet point above.

• The BF is overcome by a sense of hopelessness about his debt situation. I feel powerless in that there is no way I can help him. What would you do if you were holding $37,000 in private loan debt to Bank of America that was fixed, but will be changed to variable come next year? Oh, and that interest rate at fixed is 15%! Getting another fixed loan is out because only BOA offers personal loans that large or if anyone else is, the interest rate is even worse.
  

• I'm finding it difficult to change old, bad eating habits. The good news is that I'm still the same weight I was last month. The bad news: I'm still the same weight I was last month. I think in this I can understand the BF's lament. I've been overweight all my life. When I experience moments like these where I'm not, or think I'm not, making progress, I can hear the negative tapes playing in my head saying things like, "How is this going to be different? You've failed over and over again. It's not going to get any better for you, so just accept your body now. This is as good as it's going to get for you." It's embarrassing to admit such terrible thoughts, but there they are. The only thing that keeps me going is this vision in my head I have of myself weighing 40 pounds less when I go to the doctor's office next year for my physical. In spite of my doubts, the goal of better health is more compelling. So even when I slip off my path, I just pick up where I left off and keep going. And that's it. I can understand why people make the comparison between being fiscally fit and physically fit. However I have to say that getting out of debt and managing my money was far easier than trying to lose this excess body fat that I've had all my life. :)